August

August has always been my most favorite month of the year.

Not only because I was born on August 28th, but it also because August is when my most favorite season has begun. 

Autumn or fall season is my favorite time of the year especially when I lived in Germany. 

For some reason I’ve always sentimentalized this season. 

There's something so beautiful, romantic and mysterious about it. 

The colors of trees, the falling golden leaves, the sunny days with chilly breeze, the smell of wet leaves, the romance of the gray sky, the wistfulness of the shorter days, the melancholy feeling that always came out to the surface whenever I walked down at the Promenade alone with those crisp leaves. 

Gosh, how I missed those moments...

Since I moved back to Jakarta, I still loves autumn. I found another version of fall season here, with its own beauty. The falling leaves, the smells of Gardenia, the chirping birds, the splash of rain during a very hot days, the gray sky, and sometimes when I'm lucky a chilly breeze. 

So last week was my birthday. I am 35 years old now.

Time is flying by really fast.

Right on my birthday, I had a very deep contemplation about my life. About 35 years that passed me by and would never come back.

35 years of my life.

Indeed, I am so lucky to be alive.

I am so grateful, having a lovely family that always been there around me since the moment I was born.

I thank God, for all the blessings that I've been given during 35 years of my life.


Every morning when I wake up, I always thank God that I am still breathing and having another chance to enjoy His precious gift, the life itself.
I am fully aware that life is a present from God.
That's why I always living my life to the fullest.
Cherish every moment of my life, with it all ups and downs.


And right before I blow away my candle, I've come to my senses...
Looking at those 35 candles, I realized that I have already been walking down at least the half of my circle of life.
I don't remember when exactly it's start, but I always imagined that life is like a circle, like a clock, that always ticking and move forward. It's true that we never know when it will end, but let's just assuming that we've been given a full circle to live our life so it means I've reached the middle point of the circle.


Honestly, I was scared. Not because I feel old and afraid to die.
No, not at all. I always celebrate my age. I'm not kind of people who don't want telling their real age. I'm proud with who I am, including the year I was born. :)) And I'm not afraid to die, because I know that we have no power at all to add one single day in our life. We belong to God. And whenever He decide to call us back, there's nothing we can do to prevent it. 
All we can do is living our life to the fullest while we're still breathing.


I was scared because I was thinking about my parents.
Thinking about the circle of life, I'm so afraid of losing them.
I love my parents so much. And I couldn't bear in mind the fact that one day they will gone to heaven. 
I am so grateful that I still have a chance to spend the time with my parents now, and I thank God for that.
And I pray every single time, that God will always bless my parents with a good health, happiness, peace of mind, and a long life.

My Next Thirty Years 

I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years

My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here
In my next thirty years

Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my husband
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here ,In my next thirty years

In my next thirty years...

September

Footfalls echo in the memory

Down the passage which we did not take

Towards the door we never opened into

... the rose garden.

-T.S. Eliot-

Unexplainable.

I love words.

I always love words.

Words are mysterious and beautiful creatures that have a soul in my opinion.

They have an invisible power that can change our mood in just a second.

Words can bring us into a deep darkness moment yet a bright sunny smile.

Words can make us flying high up in the sky yet make us falling free into the cliff.

It's a wonder that words can describe something that goes beyond our comprehension.

It's a magical experience how words can transform us into another world.

I always got myself lost in the sea of words of a good book.

My thoughts and soul were swam freely into the ocean of words.

I read every word slowly, chew it carefully, contemplate it deeply, until it takes me to an intimate absorption.

Sometimes I read the word/sentence all over again if I've found the word/sentence was an extremely extraordinary beautiful.

Weird isn't it?

Anyhow, there's a moment when I feel something that goes beyond words.

Something that I can't explain.

Something that I can't find the substitute of it in any word that ever exists.

Most of the moments, I can categorize in two. Either it's something beautifully painful or painfully beautiful.

But still, it goes beyond words.

The feeling.

At this very moment.

Solitude

Beringsut perlahan, menarik diri dari hiruk pikuk dunia.
Meninggalkan dentum-dentum kefanaan.
Keriaan pun kian sayup terdengar seiring ku merasuk jauh dalam lembah pemikiran.
Menyusuri hening yang begitu gaduh memantulkan buah pikiran.
Terhanyut dalam arus rasa yang bergelora.
Membawa diri berlabuh di tepian impian.
Tersesat dalam khayalan yang terbiaskan kenyataan.
Jiwa pun terpekur dalam hangat nya dekapan kenangan.
Membiarkan hati melambung tinggi bermain bersama awan-awan harapan.
Di nikmati walau sekejap.
Karena pada akhirnya, semua awan pun akan kembali terhempas.
Kembali pada kodrat nya.
Pada saat nya.


Note: Photo courtesy of www.favim.com

I Want To Hold Your Hand

There's a moment when I have no words to say...
There's a moment when I have no story to share...
There's a moment when I have no voice to speak...
There's a moment when I have no strength to move...

A moment when you look into my eyes...
A moment when you hold my hand...
A moment when you take me in your arms...
A moment when you complete me.

It's been three weeks since I left 2010 behind..
Before I travel deep into 2011, I took some time to look back and had some kind of reflection
moments on my life's journey in 2010.

2010 has been one of the best years of my life.
With all of ups and downs, 2010 has taught me to be a stronger, better and hopefully wiser person.

I've learned that life is too short and too precious to be waste by being ungrateful.
I've learned that life is more beautiful when you stop being a judge.
I've learned that life is good when you stop complaint.
I've learned that everything in life has its own time.
I've learned that it's a wonder to have more time being with my beloved parents.
I've learned that sometimes life give you a second chance.
I've learned that there's always two sides of coin.
I've learned that home is where my heart is belong.
I've learned that life is so generous when you start counting your blessings.
I've learned that it's important being consciously aware of all things in my life because it won't last forever.
I've learned to always keep breathing and be present.
I've learned that God is working in a mysterious way.
I've learned that less is more.
I've learned that time is everything.

And the most remarkable moment in 2010 is when life has lead me back to my long lost precious 'home'.
Now, I'm home and settled.
And I am ready to experience everything life has to offer in this brand new 2011.
:)