Goodbye My Friend..

Suddenly I feel so sad.
I feel uneasy deep inside my heart now.
One of my good friends, just called me few minutes ago...
She called me to say goodbye.
She will go back to Indonesia for good tonight.

Eventhough I already knew about it since last month.
Still it doesn't make thing easier to handle.
It's a shame that I couldn't be with her in the last moment.
I just lost my words. I never get easy with a "farewell things". That's one of my weaknesses.
Even that it's only for a temporary.
It doesn't make any different for me.

Oh, I hate this feeling so much!
I hate to feel the beat of my heart get faster and faster..
I hate to feel the butterflies in my stomach spinning around..
I hate to feel the tears burst out from my eyes..
I hate to feel this way.

Goodbye my friend.
Be strong.
Till we meet again.
My prayer is with you.

*Thank's for those lovely moments that we shared!"

Pelarian

Letih ku berlari
Mengubur bayang di siang hari
Membungkus pahit dalam gelak palsu
Berharap biru kan berlalu

Sinting ku berpikir
Menyunting damai dalam ramai
Mengejar semu di dini hari
Berharap rindu kan berganti

Kini sendiri ku menyapa gelap
Mendekap diri dalam sunyi
Memeluk lara yang kelelahan
Menghibur hati yang menangis.

*Di saat jiwa ini lelah untuk berpaling pada kesemuan..! Hanya damai yang ingin dirasa..*

Manusia Liar

Manusia liar
Busuk semua manismu
Racun sekedar
yang kau tuang dalam cawanku

Manusia liar
Piawai berdalih
Membuat hitam menjadi putih
Putih menjadi hitam

Manusia liar
Tanggalkan saja jubah malaikatmu
Nista belaka yang kau tawarkan
Menggadai kepercayaan

Muak ku cium bau busukmu
Bangkai berselimut madu
Beringsut ku menjauh
Berharap bumi kan menelanmu.

*Terinspirasi oleh seseorang yang begitu munafik..!*

Hidup

Semarak
Guratan sketsa liku hidup manusia
Memberi makna pada buram

Meninggalkan jejak langkah
pada setiap hati yang dilalui
Bergumul mesra di setiap lintasan
Merajut suka dan duka
bagai sepasang sejoli

Senyawa diri tersenyum
menatap kekecewaan dan kesedihan
gembira tertawa bersama
Menyambut datangnya kedewasaan
Menghadirkan arti akan sebuah perjuangan.

*Hidup itu penuh perjuangan, teman..!*

Muak!

Semalam ku melihatmu melintas dalam mimpi
Mimpi yang menggurat nyata
Mengaburkan batas ilusi dan realita

Puluhan tanya tak bertuan
Menciptakan satu.., satu kemirisan
Terhimpit dalam batas pengertian

Liar mataku, mencari jawab
Pikirannya pekat
Menghadirkan gelap yang abadi

Lagi bagai ritual yang memuakkan!
Kamu lacurkan hidupmu...
Sungguh!
Jangan biarkan mereka membeli hidupmu dengan buaian status tak bermakna.

Jalani saja hidup ini dengan kedua kaki mu..
Hanya ilusi semata yang kau pikir
Tak perlu kau coreng mukamu dengan gincu tebal
Penanda bahwa kau adalah kaum bourjouis!

Aku muak...
Muak dengan segala peninggian
yang kamu anggap penting.
Harga dirimu..
Itu yang penting.

Tidak kah kamu sadari..?
Betapa terlalu jauh sudah
kau biarkan mereka membayangimu..

Entah kapan kamu akan menyadari
Kamu tengah bersenggama dengan ilusi
Nyatanya kamu diperbudak oleh obsesi kelas atas!

Percayalah, kamu lebih dari sekedar itu...

*Wajahmu indah tanpa corengan gincu...*

Current Mood!

Terjebak dalam belukar pemikiran
Terbelit dalam semak perenungan
Tenggelam dalam belenggu pengharapan

Bias...
Hanyut dalam kabut realita
Tempias...
Larut dalam kabur penyangkalan

Terseok membawa aku dalam diri
Terpaku melihat diri dalam hari

Biarkan...
Jiwa ini menari...
Indah bagai seorang pesakitan...
Menggurat nikmat dalam nadi...
Menggores hitam atas putih.

*Ketika mata menanar, otak memanas, badan pun melinu..!*

Insomnia!

Udah satu minggu ini kira-kira saya mengalami Insomnia.
Menyebalkan..!
Walaupun rasanya badan ini udah capek lahir batin (hauhauahuaha:D hiperbolik dikit boleh doang ah..), pikiran ini sulit sekali untuk di bebas tugaskan.
Bahkan seringkali dalam keadaan tidur, otak saya masih terus bekerja.
Akibatnya tidurpun tak nyenyak, balik kiri, balik kanan, tengkurep, terlentang, meringkuk, dan aneka macam gaya tidur lainnya pun di uji coba.

Paling cepat saya bisa "memperlambat" kerja otak ini adalah antara jam 2 dan 3 pagi. Setelah itu masih butuh 1-2 jam untuk menghentikan putaran otak ini, baru setelah otak ini puas bermain-main dalam kegelapan barulah saya bisa terlelap di saat hari mulai menyambut fajar.

Akibatnya rutinitas hari-hari saya pun jadi kacau balau.
Baru bisa bangun paling cepat di atas jam 10 pagi.
Untungnya semester musim dingin belum di mulai, jadinya saya bisa bangun lebih siang.
Pada saat bangun pun, kondisi badan rasanya babak belur.
Sakit kepala, seperti orang kurang tidur saja.
Benar-benar menyebalkan!

Kenapa ya orang bisa mengalami Insomnia..?
Mari kita bertanya pada Wikipedia..
;)

Insomnia is characterized by an inability to sleep and/or to be incapable of remaining asleep for a reasonable period.
Insomniacs typically complain of being unable to close their eyes or "rest their mind" for more than a few minutes at a time.
Both organic and nonorganic insomnia constitute a sleep disorder[1][2]. It is often caused by fear, stress, anxiety, medications, herbs or caffeine. An overactive mind or physical pain may also be causes.
Finding the underlying cause of insomnia is usually necessary to cure it.
Selebihnya liat aja di http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insomnia

Nah berdasarkan apa yang dijelaskan oleh bang Wiki..
Mungkin saya sedang mengalami yang namanya "an overactive mind".
Otak saya memang belakangan ini sering kerja rodi.
Secara saya sedang ditengah-tengah usaha untuk menyusun secara sistematis ide-ide, data-data, ataupun teori-teori yang seringkali bermunculan bagaikan pop up, dalam suatu struktur kerangka pemikiran yang baik dan terorganisir.
Akibatnya, otak ini suka kelebihan kerjanya.
Suka lupa diri gitu..
Jadi ya gini deh, bergabung dalam klub Insomniaers.

* Semoga semua cepat berlalu..*

White Noise

Geeez, what a movie!
I've just watched a White Noise movie with my friends.
Based on true story, if I'm not wrong.
Kind of a thriller and a bit of horror movie.
The ending was so sad.
My friends got crazy because I always screamed during the movie.
Hahahaha:D Sorry guys! (secara gue kagetan gini orangnya..)

After finished the movie, we decided to relax a little bit.
Let's start singing babeeeeee...
Yes, my friend has a karaoke game from PS 2.
So, we started to sing just like a crazy.
It's stated on tv that our voices were mostly awful...hahahahha:D
But sometimes (read: rarely!) also good or cool..cieeeee..uhuuuuy!
One thing for sure, we would just realize that how difficult it is to be a good singer..when we're doing their job. Omigot!
Do you know what I mean..?

Talking about a karaoke anyway, did you know what is the meaning of karaoke itself..?
Karaoke is a japanese word which stems from the words kara which is short for karano, meaning "empty", and oke which is short for ōkesutora, meaning "orchestra". The words together make a contraction literally meaning "empty orchestra".
So in other words, karaoke is a form of entertaiment in which an amateur singer or singers sing along with recorded music on microphone. (Cited from Wikipedia)

I am is an amateur singer.
It's really clear to see because as soon as I finished with the second song my voice gets rasping.
Huehueheehue:p Maybe I should take a vocal lesson in the future. :)
But it was really fun!

*Thank's to Lia's hubby for being so patience with our's "so-un-tuned-voices". Hope you don't get headache!*

Saturday Night

Just got invited to have dinner in my friend's place.
Though, I'm not in the good mood to have kind of chitty-chatty with a stranger today, I accepted her invitation anyway.
My friend wants to introduce me with her "boyfriend", so I think ok.
Why not..?
Since I've heard about this guy zillion times and since I live only one floor away from her.

Anyway, I'm home now.
With a full stomach, with a warm face because of the foods and the wines.
Well, I didn't stay long there.
Be honest, not really enjoyed it.
Don't know why, just don't want to give a judgement a way to soon.
Don't want to be the judge either.

Nevermind.
Now I have my space again.
Alone..,
just me - myself - and - I.
And it feels good.
:)


*Everybody needs sometime to be alone..!*

Saturday Afternoon

Still saturday..
Still raining..

Suddenly, the wind becomes so angry.
He blown up everything on his way.
The leaves flitters everywhere.
Lost in the swirl of heartless storm.
The rainburst becomes rapid and faster..
Make the picture outside of my window even worse.

Just like what the old said, There's a sunshine after the rain.
Suddenly, the storm has gone.
The gloomy has went away.
The sun shining on my window.
So bright..
Until it's radiance started to hurting my eyes.
Should I wear my sun-glasses in my bedroom..?
It's kind a weird, isn't it..?
:)

*Well, I feel happy anyway.. knowing that the old people are so true..!*

Saturday Morning

The moment I woke up this morning, I feel so exhausted.
It seems that I had a bad dream last night.
About something absurd, which is I can't even remember what it was.
Just feel so annoyed and tired instead of energized.
Oh geez..

Thank's God it's saturday..
I don't have plan to go anywhere just want to stay home.
It's still raining outside, day become more grey than before.
Leaving home is the last thing I wanna do.

So here I am.
Let my fingers dancing on the keyboard, while I keep staring through the window...
Watching how wind look so happy playing with the rain.
The birds seems don't care at all with the weather.
They keep on flying high in the sky.., or maybe they just take a shower. (Do anybody knows what is on their mind..?)
:)
Sometimes, when they get tired or bored..
They just landed silently above the church's roof across my window, and remains still for a while.

I wish I could fly.., so I could joining them.
Flying high in the sky...
Watching how small the earth is from above...
Playing with the giant marshmallow...
And going to my lovely nest somewhere in the suburb of Jakarta.
I wish.

*Miss my family so much..!*

A Candle

Today, as those other days in autumn has been very gloomy.
Rain has never been stop pouring the ground since this morning.
The wind blow so hard, making some noisy sound outside the window.
The sun has never shown up.

Feeling so dis-oriented...
Looking for nothing...
Try to find something...
Anything.

There are so much things in my mind right now.
Been thinking and thinking about this and that..
Really want to put them nicely into some words..
But not being able to make them organized.

Oh no.
For my dearest friend, I just want to thank you for sharing the-story-of-your-amazing-life with me.
I'm very proud of you...
My dearest friend, your family is right...
You are a candle.., who bring the light into the darkness.
You sacrificed yourself without ever looking for a return.

*From the bottom of my heart, I wish you will find your own candle someday..!*

Soul

Tongue tied I sail
memory pulses,
gathering paces nude
of waterfalls.

Night is male
talking darkly,
nights found me
in the breasts.


-Fo Lebene-

Gloomy day.

Tiba waktunya bagi sang musim untuk berganti.
Satu lagi musim panas telah ku lalui.

Dedaunan mulai menguning.
Matahari pun tersipu malu dan tersenyum manja.
Angin berhembus lembut, mempermainkan kabut yang mulai membayangi hari.